What I Mean When I Talk About ‘Parts’ in Session
Have you ever caught yourself thinking, "Part of me wants to be brave and speak up… and another part just wants to disappear"? That’s not just a figure of speech. It’s actually one of the simplest ways to describe how your inner world works.
Internal Family Systems, or IFS, is a therapy approach based on the idea that there are no bad parts of you. Every single part has a reason for being there and something important to communicate. Even the parts that feel messy, inconvenient, or confusing are doing their best to help you survive, adapt, or avoid pain. IFS also holds that we all have a Self — the calm, compassionate, wise core of who we are underneath all the noise.
In sessions, I might start using terms like “protector,” “manager,” or “exile” without stopping to define them every time. That’s because IFS is something I often weave in alongside other therapies like ACT and DBT, both of which are part of what’s called “third-wave cognitive behavioral therapy.” The science behind IFS is growing, but what makes it so powerful in practice is how human it feels.
I like it because it’s not about diagnosing or pathologizing. It’s about getting to know yourself, living in line with your values, and learning that you don’t have to give in to every emotion the moment it shows up — but you can still give each one space to be heard. It’s a framework that fits the reality of being human: layered, sometimes contradictory, often full of inner chatter.
Personally, after three decades on this planet, it makes sense to me that I’ve collected a whole system of parts. New ones are born, old ones fade, some step forward more than others depending on what’s going on in my life. That might sound a little quirky, but in my experience it’s an incredibly effective way to work with trauma responses, inner conflict, and the moments where you feel completely pulled in different directions.
You don’t need to understand all of IFS right away. If we explore it together, you’ll start noticing your own parts — and your Self — in action. That’s where the real work and real healing happen.
A quick glossary you can peek at later
Protector: A part that tries to keep you from getting hurt, often by preventing you from taking risks or feeling painful emotions.
Manager: A type of protector that focuses on control, planning, and keeping things “together” at all costs.
Exile: A part holding onto old wounds, memories, or emotions that have been pushed away because they felt overwhelming.
Self: The grounded, compassionate center of you that can listen to and lead all your parts.
